We often behave differently when it comes to friends or relatives. Some feel more at ease when they are with their friends, whereas others are more comfortable with their family and relatives. Apparently there’s always an underlying reason why people behave in certain manner.
Jack and Gillian are siblings aged 3 years apart. Gillian has a more outspoken personality, comfortable in socializing and enjoys participation in discussion. Jack, on the other hand, in more inclined to listen more than he speaks. Jack is outspoken among his peers, conscientious in his work but compared to his sister, he is taciturn among his relatives.
It was only after 2 decade that Jillian discovered the truth behind the reason why 2 person brought up under the same environment would behave so differently. Perhaps some might perceive it as natural, but to Jillian, it was not.
Jillian was brought up by her paternal grandmother since she was an infant. Since young, she was taught about morals and values by her grandmother. She was constantly reminded about the rights and wrong. Whenever she was introduced to relatives and friends, her grandmother would sing praises of her irregardless of her behavior. Children under such circumstances will sub consciously form a mindset to meet the adults expectation. (Self-fulfilling prophecy). And over time, it becomes second nature to the child. It is because of that need to prove adults right that she is a “good child”, it forms a barrier to prevent her to sway to the dark side.
The reason why some children become rebellious at a very young age is because that parent does that recognized that a child’s pride is actually formed at a very young age and is very sensitive to whatever messages that is conveyed to them.
For instance, parents reprimanding children on public is detrimental towards the well-being of the child. What worse is during relative gatherings, a child is being criticized in front of relative and friends. This is especially so because when you are young, it is difficult to defend yourself and what you are left with is the impression that is stained on other people.
Another common mistake is parents tend to compare who has the most mischievous child. For instance, over the phone, one parent might complain to another parent about how naughty his/her child is and instead of sympathizing with the other parent plight, the other parent will bring out another fine example of impish behavior. This creates an injurious effect for the child who has overheard the conversation because that episode of broadcasting was absolutely immaterial.
Over time, that particular child would lose that self respect because he/she would have felt that no one believes in them. He/she would do things to prove others wrong and often seek refuge in friends. Parents never understood why the underlying reason why their children never speak to them as carefree towards their friends and why is it so difficult to control them as they get older. This is because that as the child gets older, he begins to gain enough control to defend and as a result gain empowerment through other means.
Jack was brought up by a nanny and because he was not well versed in his dialect, he faces communication problems with his grandmother. Unfortunately, the treatment he received from his grandparents was not favorable compared to his sister because he had no idea how to get into his grandparents good books since he was not armed with dialect proficiency.
Jack went on to excel in his academic studies as he had a desire to prove others wrong. He was focused probably because there were lesser distractions. Whenever relatives came over, he would stay in his room and study compared to his sister, socializing with her relatives.
Jillian only realizes the crux of the problem when her grandmother passed away. She was not certain that her younger brother’s pride was hurt at a very young age until she saw tears in her brother’s eyes when she started the neutral buffer.
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